Turn Up to Give, Not to Be Approved Of#
Takers are easy to spot#
They’re not subtle. Every slide carries their handles. Questions get answered with “that’s in my book.” The opening is a recital of credentials — six PhDs, advised generals, and so on.
None of that is a crime, and all of it repels a room, because it says the talk is a transaction and the audience is the payment.
The unexpected part of the giving stance is how far it goes: the best speakers don’t want anything back, including your approval. A standing ovation is a thing the room decides afterwards if what you gave was worth something. It’s never the reason to be up there.
Authenticity#
People can feel realness, so being yourself isn’t a nice extra — it’s the only thing that connects.
There’s a good story attached to this. Preparing a first TEDx talk at 26, the speaker agonised over whether to use slides or just stand there. He polled twelve friends and family. Sister and brother said use slides, back yourself with data. His mum said no — use you. The vote came back six-six.
Stuck on the tie, he noticed he’d never asked the one person with an actual stake: himself.
Which is the lesson. Know what you’re comfortable with before you crowdsource the decision. Advice averages out to nothing when the thing being decided is what you personally can pull off.
His prep was rehearsing at least a hundred times, including conversationally in the shower — worth noting, because authenticity clearly doesn’t mean unprepared.
Awareness#
Reading the room and adapting when the plan doesn’t match reality.
He turned up in Sioux Falls prepared for a serious professional talk and found a party — hours of open bar, thoroughly loose crowd. The over-prepared version of himself would have delivered the serious talk anyway, to nobody.
Instead he opened with what happened on the flight: telling a seatmate he was presenting in Sioux Falls and getting a blank look and three words back — “are you sure?” One man laughed like he was at a comedy special, the whole room went, and the speaker rode it. If this is how it’s going to be, let’s have a good time.
Be fluid enough to work with the room that actually showed up.
Audacity#
You can’t half-step into a presentation. Fear drives most people — of opinions, of criticism, of stumbling over a word — and being bold is the only real counter.
The main tool is story. Brains run on pictures, and a story puts one in someone’s head. A study of TED talks past a million views found 85% were built around story.
The governing rule is worth memorising: never tell a story without making a point, and never make a point without telling a story. Both halves matter. Story with no point is entertainment; point with no story is a memo.
A few small things to try#
- Cut your credentials from the opening and put what they’ll gain there instead
- Before asking anyone’s advice on a talk, decide what you’re comfortable doing
- Rehearse conversationally, out loud, far more times than feels necessary
- Attach one story to your main point — and make sure the point actually lands
