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The Crooked One Is the Real One

·468 words·3 mins· loading · loading · ·
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Neo W.
Author
Neo W.
Writing about things that intrigue me.
Table of Contents
A pre-tied bow tie gives itself away by being perfect. Both sides matched, both loops even, sitting dead level all night. Nothing tied by hand looks like that. The small crookedness people try to fix is the entire signal that you tied it yourself.

Why perfect looks wrong
#

The eye is quite good at this even when the brain isn’t paying attention. A machine-made bow has no variation, and after a few hours it still has none, which is when it starts reading as cheap.

Churchill’s was famously a bit off. So is everyone’s who ties their own. Once you know to look, you can’t stop noticing at weddings.

Set it up first
#

  • Adjustable ties: set the band to your shirt collar size, then adjust to taste from there.
  • Fixed-length ties: nothing to do.
  • Throw it round your neck with the collar down and the top button done up, and straighten the part sitting behind your neck before you start.

The knot
#

Only one step in this is non-obvious. Everything before it is an ordinary overhand knot with an uneven start.

  1. Hang the left end an inch to an inch and a half longer than the right.
  2. Cross the long end over the short one, pinch where they cross, bring the long end up through the loop at your neck, and pull it snug.
  3. Fold the short end into a bow shape, using your index finger between the tie and your body to hold it.
  4. Fold the long end down over the front of that bow.
  5. The move: hold the front bow together, find the small hole sitting behind it, fold the hanging end into a second bow shape, and push that folded shape through the hole.
  6. Pull on the folded ends to tighten.

Step five is where everyone stalls, and it’s the only part worth practising. You aren’t threading a flat end through anything — you’re folding it first and pushing the fold through.

The one adjustment people get wrong
#

Tighten by pulling the folds, not the flat blades of the bow.

Pull the blades and you drag the whole knot out of shape and end up starting again. Pull the folded ends and it snugs down exactly where you want it.

Then leave it alone
#

Once it’s on, resist the urge to even it up in every mirror you pass. You’ll spend the evening making it worse and slowly turning it into the thing you were trying not to look like.

A few small things to try:

  • Practise step five on its own, sitting down, without the rest of the knot.
  • Tie it round your thigh a few times if the mirror is confusing you.
  • Check the length difference at the start. Most failures happen there.
  • Leave the finished one crooked.

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